Two weeks before Merlin’s passing, at a time where my focus in the dreamtime was rather intense, I dreamt the most uplifting of dreams. As it was leading up to Merlin’s transition or ascension, there was a massive opening up of my consciousness. For having served Merlin in such an intimate and compassionate role and thereby healing his spirit, there was much spiritual growth and resultant advancement for me. Merlin used his illness to serve as a mentor to me and thus teaching me so very much in the process. The dreams were dreamt, on Saturday, November 4, 1989. The dreams that day spanned two sleep cycles and proved both intense and illuminating.
I was quite consciously aware that I was dreaming and had slipped into sleep from a very deep, expansive meditative state. On coming to, I was walking along in a street; it was quite sunny out. There was a brown dog that appeared. The dog came over to me, from off to the right, from behind a rock. I felt that it looked ready to attack me. The dog was a very short, smooth-haired creature. Truth be told, it was a beautiful dog. When the dog came over, I declined the gesture of friendliness and did not put out my hand.
I knew then that I could not be sensed to be fearful because then the dog would sense my fears and thus defensively attack. Reassuringly, I spoke aloud and guided myself through the scene by saying, “Be calm and be understanding; just reach out to it.” So I did and extended my hand. However, the dog was a very contained creature. Though its mouth was clenched shut, the dog bore its teeth at me. The dog then opened its mouth to bite at my hand; I countered by forcefully stabbing and ramming my hand into its mouth — much as though I had just stabbed it to the hilt with a massive sword. I then started forcefully twisting my fist against the canines. As I twisted against the canines, I rotated my right hand counter clockwise.
Such that his left cheek was rotating skyward, thus the dog’s head was being uncomfortably twisted about. Clearly, my actions were hurting him. His neck was wringing. I was in control and he could not really do me a great deal of harm. Further, I guided myself with assurances that I was in control of the situation and not the dog. I was sending it focussed energy and telling it to calm down and not to be in attack mode. However, the dog still would not desist and persisted with resisting my directives. All of this, interspecies communication, I telepathically undertook.
I realised then and there that this was getting tedious. Besides, I was not here in the dreamtime to do battle with some mutt. So, still with considerable force, I hurled the dog to the left. As I hurled it, it became transformed and was now a square which seemed to be made of glass or hard plastic. The transformed dog also seemed to be shimmering. Next, it started moving around in the air. After I had thrown the dog away, from off my right fist, it was transformed but remained a separate entity. I then followed it with my mind and sight. The transformed dog-cum-geometric airborne object then moved about at my command.
Initially, it went off to the left where it was going to crash into a wall. Even though this was the former difficult creature, it was now too beautiful. In its transformed state, I could not let it be destroyed. I was also pleased and amazed at what I had affected with my mind. So I drew it away from the wall, from which it had abruptly veered off, and instead moved to the right. I then brought it a little closer and then moved it about some more. Next, I decided that, maybe, I should just let it go down; however, at that point, I thought aloud, “Wait a minute here. I’ve got control here with my mind.
“Now it’s time for me to fly!” Immediately, I abandoned the construct. I gladly left it hovering there in the air. Next, I simply shoved off from where I was and started flying. I said aloud, “Yeah! See, I can do it!” I roared with sweet pleasurable laughter. Next, I began moving, not directly upwards but, out before me in a low gradual rise like an aeroplane at takeoff.
My arms were outstretched, perpendicular to my torso — palms faced down and were winged up and back, a bit, creating the right aerodynamic drag. With that, I started moving at such great fantastic speeds that I immediately came to the end of the road. Before me, the land began falling away. Here before me, I came to a most beautiful, beautiful, beautiful sea. I was above an inlet in flight and the hills were very green and the sand on the shore was beautifully white. The sea was a beautiful blue and it was so tranquil and wonderful. “ Whoa, I’m going to be travelling over the ocean. What happens if I start losing control?”
I then, though, reminded myself not to be fearful. At the same time, I was quite aware of my body, lying here on the bed and the thrilling feeling I was having whilst in flight, resonated throughout my body. “My goodness, I’m projecting my consciousness; this is what you’re doing… you’re flying. You’re advancing with your psyche… here in the dreamtime. Do not focus on the water; it’s a wonderful scenic aid. Go on Arvin, just focus ahead.” Immediately ahead of me, at the great speeds that I was progressing, I saw a light. A beautiful, beautiful, white enveloping light it was.
I then began shoving my way through the light at great, great speeds. Now, I was going at fantastic speeds whilst in flight above the expansive sea. This was so very thrilling and incredible; however, I really did not want to go all the way. As it were, I did not want to come out on the other end of the light — to explore beyond that. In point of fact, I was quite aware of my body lying in bed and I was lying on my left side. I was saying to myself that I was not even in the meditative state that I had actually hoped for. To fortify myself, I had grabbed the large quartz crystal. However, before I had gone to bed, I had really wanted to masturbate.
Thus I realised that I really had to come out of this experience and masturbate, after which go to bed, after meditation as I had intended. So I did get up.
*Not that it was shallow of me to have abandoned a great cosmic experience, to go wank off, but I do think that it was actually good of me to have ceased being astrally projected when I did. However, the need to survive was sustained by being grounded to my sexuality. As I progressed through the light, I knew that the further I got, the more likely it was that I would not want to return. Once I got onto the other side, I felt quite strongly that I would experience something much on the order of Tuesday, December 26 “Boxing Day” 1972III. I just knew that I could not go all the way. For one thing, Merlin needed me here, to see him through to the end. For another, I had to come back and not go all the way because there was no one at the apartment with me. Should I slip in too deep and imperil my life, in some way, there needed to be someone here with me to safely bring me out.
I was growing more and more relaxed — feeling like I just did not care to any longer be focussed in my body. This was why the thought of sex was so important. My sexual focus had actually allowed me to stay ensouled in the body and not altogether spirit away from my life. However, it was definitely that close. I did experience rapture — on an order of the cosmic. I was probably guided to my sexual centre by the soul and Merlin. Of course, Merlin wanted me not to expire prior to him — as we had agreed. Truly, it would really have been a great cop out, were I to have passed on prior to him.
So for once, as it were, my masturbatory obsession saved the day. I do too believe that the attack dog, whose animus towards me I was able to have skilfully diffused, represented the amount of treachery afoot in the waking state at exactly two weeks prior to Merlin’s passing. END.
B
I was in an area that looked like a cemetery. There were these little girls who carried these objects that looked like fans. They each had a little stick at the end of which was a handle; really, it did look like a table tennis racquet. At the end of it, the rod was bent down and then went off. The queer rod was shaped like a little crown or a maple leaf. What’s more, it was golden-coloured. They were white girls under the age of twelve. Too, they were both redheaded.
They were holding up the object before them. Incidentally, I had one as well. Somehow, I did not know what it was supposed to do. The trees were large, like silver maples, and there seemed to be some large, centuries-old moss-covered tombstones about. They both held out their arms in one direction. They were behind me and we were facing in opposite directions. They directly pointed the forking golden sticks ahead of themselves. Still directly pointing their golden sticks ahead, they then came over to where I was.
Immediately, when we were in close quarters and they were directing their sticks, one of them struck gold — the stick in her hand started shaking. She let go of it and it fell to the ground but then straightaway up-righted itself. The golden, wooden forking object then started moving towards this energy source. The other girl laughed and went and put hers down. I was amazed on recognising that there really was a definite energetic force present. Likewise, I went and also put down mine. As I did so, it was pointing up under the tree. Straight away, you could see the manifestation of a sphere that was glass-like but it was shimmering.
I could visually make out that there was the outline of a rainbow that encircled the sphere’s rim. Through the eye of this opening, the space simply shimmered. Fantastically, it was absolutely wonderful to watch this manifestation. The shimmering sphere was about four-to-six feet in diameter. There was a gardening hose close-by. As the watering hose rotated in the direction of where the circle was, the aperture became even more outlined when the water from the hose struck the space wormhole. When the water hit and penetrated the shimmering portal, this was when the rainbow was created. Thus, it became even more outlined and visible.
Remarkably, it was a predominantly golden-coloured rainbow. Quite magnificent and quite wonderful a sight it was. Moreover, it was truly powerful. I went running off to the source of the hose — it was being moved because of the water pressure. I picked up the hose but then I put it back down. There was then a guy and a girl and as they put the hose down, I was trying to see if there was going to appear anymore signs of the sphere. However, they had messed up the hose; the hose had gotten knotted which precluded any water from being discharged. Incidentally, it was a black hose.
The girl, who had moved the hose when I had seen the wormhole-like dimensional portal, quite reminded me of Artemis de Bolanos. In the sense that she looked somewhat like Artemis, I was led to believe this. She was also flaky like Artemis. However, it was not Artemis. I promptly took my leave of them and moved on. These girls were rather small and looked like the classic faeries. They were unusually pale. On closer inspection, they had unusually large, dark eyes that were almond-shaped and went upwards at the outer corners.
Their hair was so intensely red that it seemed, in fact, to glow and to be as if iridescent. They also had no eyebrows which only highlighted the wide-open expanse of their foreheads. Where the third eye resides, it was quite unusually expansive in that part of their foreheads. In fact, that part of their face seemed slightly concave, however, only slightly so; in that sense it did resemble the indentation of a radio telescope. Though they seemed like prepubescent girls, they were fully grown. They may well have been several decades old; however, they did not look old. Moreover, they exclusively communicated telepathically. However, there was no getting around the fact that they were EH (extra-human or extra-terrestrial).
One thing about them was most telling — my pronounced ease for being around them.
*Much like natural redheads, in the waking state, these persons’ vibrations were considerably more attuned and intense than others’. One always has the sense that most redheads are ‘broadcasting’ when in their presence, in the waking state, so strong is their psychic abilities. The golden rainbow spheres were portals which were used — as their desired EHVs (extra-human vehicle or UFO) — to move through and forth from their world, in which I incidentally was a visitor, and others. They seemed as though intent on showing me how to call forth an EHV to relocate from their world. I happen to think that though I awoke to masturbate and not go all the way, on returning to sleep, I did return to being focussed in the far-off locale, to which I had ventured in the A sleep cycle. This incidentally is not uncommon. Hence the locals’ desired to show me how to safely get back, through the golden shimmering portals, to my dimension. The trees here were phenomenally huge and had the same intense negative ions as were those experienced in the valley, of the far-off world, had during the dreams of Thursday, February 16, 1989(168). END.
The third dream in this cycle — I have chosen not to include the second dream here — found me with a group. The group was a Rock ‘n Roll band. They had finished a show and were taking off their makeup. They had backup singers with them. One of the female performers went and was washing her hands. Just like the seeming little girls had worn, she was wearing similar garb. Their clothing seemed to be from earlier times as in the Middle Ages to the Nineteen Century. She washed her hands in a common open trough — some of her clothing she had taken off to remove her makeup.
I felt as though I could have started seducing her, if I wanted to, but I chose not to. She had matted, reddish hair that was up in a bun. Her hair was strawberry reddish-blondish like the two girls in the earlier dream. These redheads were of obvious Druidic heritage. Meanwhile, the guys in the band were coming back. They wore makeup that was painted in streaks — more like the way tribal and Amerindian warriors adorned their faces with paints. They were white. None of them seemed interested in fucking the women.
They were then going off, to a club, to hang out. I went off with them. On arriving at the club, I found it quite interesting. There was an advertisement about enlarging your balls. The thing to do was to put your testicles in cow dung. That is clearly ridiculous — you cannot put your balls in cow dung. The ads showed the vat of dung, which was steaming. The dung had to be steaming, affecting the notion of it being steaming warm, as when coming out of a cow.
The balls distended outside the body so that they could be kept sufficiently cooled and not become warmed by one’s internal body heat. Straight away, I knew that that was a bogus remedy for having your balls enlarged. The club had this wonderful entrance. From the ground, the entrance took you down below the surface and into this darkened cavernous area. Once inside, it was quite interesting. People were going in and out. The bouncer/maître d’ had huge balls, his actual testicles, which he held — one in each hand.
*I dream it, I report it. Who knows how this testicular adventure arose for having been auto-erotic on briefly awaking — well, not too briefly. END.
He was juggling them around like a lewd stripper would her ample tits. They were individually wrapped with a green straw-like fibre. Thus the balls could be pulled and stretched. I found it all remarkably funny. His cock comparatively seemed nonexistent next to the humongous balls. He was the usher/maître d’ who let people into the club. The club was called The Hell’s Gate. He would be looking over the women who would come in and decide if any of them were exciting enough.
Naturally, it was a bawdy house of ill refute – a bordello. There was a lot of wholesome fucking going on inside. The joint was jumping. Truly, it was very funny.
In this the fourth dream, I next found myself in the streets at nighttime. This was after the rock band had disbanded. There were people in the street whilst other persons were watching them. Also, there were other cars around. They were large unusual-looking cars. I went in and I joined a guy and started voguing on him. He was very jet-black and had large full lips. We were voguing a kiss and then another.
I would then go down, as if to go down on him, whilst sensually dancing on him. Our movements were very stylish and very beautiful. There were two other couples, on my left, as I faced the guy dancing. We were the best dancers, of course, and the most original. Our dance was strictly erotic. As a matter of fact, our movements came pretty close to fucking. Our dance was more suggestive and engaged than a tango. The magic we weaved, was absolutely wonderful.
Quite a crowd was soon gathered around us. Anyway, I went down into the club, The Hell’s Gate. There was Louise Donlon [Denise Donlon] — the woman who does the NewMusic for MuchMusic — she is gap-toothed. This club was obviously over in Britain, perhaps, Ireland. She was interviewing musicians over there.
*Ms. Donlon is, of course, married to legendary Canadian singer/songwriter, Murray McLauchlan. END.
I was fixing the cuffs of my jeans, rolling them down, to put them inside my penny loafers. These were a tanned, almost teak-coloured, beautiful pair of shoes. As I adjusted them, Denise was interviewing some musicians. People would go off and become lost to sight. This was in a large tent area. They would slip outside after being interviewed. Also present was, Nina Hagen, the German eccentric Punk/Rock/Opera singer with the vulgar-looking mouth. She had extra-long red hair.
She asked Denise if she was still writing and what had she written lately. Nina Hagen said that she had done this song; the song was about the planet and her concern for its fragile ecosystem at present. Denise then started playing a guitar. Nina got really excited and told her that it was good and excellent. She also told Denise that she was happy for her. She seemed almost a bit too hyper-excited. Then she abruptly stepped backwards and disappeared through the folds of the tent’s white-cream, silk-looking, heavy canvas flaps. As Nina disappeared, on the other side, she was heard singing her song and carrying on — like the right eccentric loon that she is.
On leaving the tent, I moved on and went inside the club. A girlish woman — these women were so diminutive that they seemed like girls though not — was being chased; it was part of a contest. Everybody chased her with pretty-coloured balloons. She was trying not to get hit by one. Eventually, she did get hit by one but she went and hid behind something. There were a lot of girlish women there with big bums who were very short. Some of the patrons were in the earthen floor itself with only their torsos sticking out. For having such huge bums, these big-arsed girlish women seemed like they would topple over backwards.
However, their supra-mammaries created a good counterbalance. They reminded me of Galina Yordonova — the former Bulgarian ballerina who ended up coaching Evelyn Hart at the Royal Winnipeg Ballet — with their petite-framed bodies. These women were almost as if pygmies. They were not dwarfs but just tiny people. These persons were clearly of extra-human stock. They had on black lace and they were shaking their boumpsies (bums) and dancing by themselves. They were like go-go dancers who danced in a group, on the spot, on the floor. I was moving around and thinking that it seemed like a very exclusive club.
I had hoped that they did not exclude certain people, based on race or did not play certain music, based on race. At heart centre, I knew that this was not the case at all. I then left the lobby but was still inside, en route out, when I realised that there were a series of funerals going on. At the time, I was with an irascible English aristocrat whom I had to tell, be quiet. The funerals were all happening underground — at least, it seemed very much so to be underground. Rather, if they were above ground, it is possible that they took place in a catacomb or caved sepulchre. Everybody seemed to exist in a caved city. There were little trees, like miniature cypress trees, that divided off the lots.
As I was moving along, I was asking the man to please be quiet. There was obviously a very solemn affair afoot. There were people standing around and they were saying en masse, “For thee, thy name sake…” They were speaking very olde English at the funeral. A little girl knelt down and put down a flower and she was holding a kerchief to her face. She was crying and bawling. I wondered if that is how I was going to behave at Merlin’s funeral. A bit overwhelmed, I then moved on only to encounter another funeral.
This funeral had less people in attendance. This one was also wrapping up. Both were obviously funerals for someone white. There were mostly whites there. People had on cardigans and sweaters because it seemed a bit chilly in the air — like an underground habitat would naturally be.138
After having audiocassette-recorded these dreams, I placed a call through to Merlin over at Wellesley Hospital and chatted. As had become habit, he would call to awaken me, I would then call back after having recorded the dreams. As I would be taking him the morning newspapers and other items that he requested, I went about feeding the cats and doing some other chores about the house. Whilst getting ready to be with Merlin, I went poring through our music library for something to play as I showered. Finally, I had found it, it was Itzhak Perlman with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra playing Brahms Violin Concerto in D Major Op. 77; on the Angel label it was a coveted recording of both mine and Merlin’s. Whilst I sat in Merlin’s favourite rocking chair, I sipped on tea made with the leaves of soursop. Months prior when visiting St. Kitts and Nevis, I had managed to stealthily bring back some of the leaves in my luggage. This fruit tree’s leaves induce the greatest serenity and dream lucidity when ingested as a tea.
Of course, it has since been discovered that the soursop is said to be a thousand times more potent than the drugs used in chemotherapy. That aside, I sat perfectly poised, slowly rocking back and forth whilst listening to and being enraptured by Mr. Perlman’s unique brand of shamanic magic. Eventually, as the album played on repeat, I showered and got ready to go in and be with my lover.
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As ever my groovy shamanic kindred spirits dream like it is the most magical thing in the universe… well why not… it is after all. Dance and fly in the dreams like the magical shaman that you are and hiss and piss on any fool’s grave who would have the temerity to have messed with you… cause life is not a dress rehearsal and loving self means protecting self from all ill-evolved dreck. Thanks for your ongoing support and remember, my magical dream memoirs are available where all discriminating bibliophiles get their fix. I love you more.
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©2013-2023 Arvin da Brgha. All Rights Reserved.
Dreams are the poetic expression of the soul. 